I'm not ready to leave it all behind...

I'm still in a North Carolina State of Mind.

I have a love-hate relationship with where I live (stationed) now. I love it because this is the longest I've lived in one place in my adult life. It's the longest place I've lived married. It's the only place I've lived as a mom. We have been here a little over seven years. We lived in our house for the same amount of time and my son is almost seven.  We've made friends here, we have a church here, we've built a business here, we've made a home here.


The hate part is only a reflection of when we moved here from somewhere more progressive. Arriving here, I was pregnant, didn't have a job, couldn't find one, and didn't know anybody. There was one mall, one movie theatre, one Walmart, too many Bojangles and no Olive Garden.  People seemed to drive 25 miles per hour EVERYWHERE - it couldn't be any slower. There was nothing to do, nothing good to eat, it took only a few minutes to get anywhere in town but two hours to get out of town.

After I had my son I found a job, where I took a serious pay cut and worked for several miserable years - hate. I worked out of town in the beginning, a whole hour away from my infant son. It was hard. When I tried to work out a flexible schedule while my husband was deployed, my boss wanted to know how early I could drop my son off and how long he could stay. The daycare was open for 12 hours, I told her ten. Hate!

It seems to be that time again for the military move - possibly. I have been really lucky, in 14 years of marriage, this has only been my third move.  When my husband mentions to me to start researching the pros and cons of moving, selling or renting or staying here for another tour, I get a headache. I try to ignore the possibility of moving even though I have mixed feelings about staying here. Seven years ago I could have never imagined that we would still be here and that I would consider it home. When I think about leaving, I daydream that I can be an author anywhere. I can freelance anywhere. But here is where we have been able to afford me not having a real job. So I'm feeling kinda ill, and I pray God has it all worked out for me and tells me something so I know where to focus my thoughts, time and energy.

I have so much to think about and so much to do. I want to pause time so I can catch up and put all my worries into neat little stacks to handle one at a time. Yesterday I couldn't handle the simple domestic stuff.  I looked at an over flowing basket of laundry to fold and hid it in my closet. I'll tackle that today.  I'm in a glass half empty kind of mood, nothing a full glass of wine and 2oz of M&M's won't cure (yes I measure).

Here's the thing....we have two Walmart's now AND an Olive Garden. I drive as slow as everybody else and when somebody zooms pass me, I think they must be new here. I'll save the wine for later, but I might be having M&M's for breakfast. It will give me just the boost I need to fold that @$%& pile of clothes.

Sporadically Yours,