Some like it hot. I don't.


I’m not much of an outdoors person. I like it to some extent but too many factors take away from my enjoyment of it. I want the outdoor experience to be just right. Not too cold, not too hot, no bugs and nothing to make me sneeze my head off all day.

I also am not a diehard fan of exercise. So to get me to take a walk/run outside the conditions have to be just right; that leaves me with just a few good weeks out of the year. I had about a week of cool crisp mornings that I could walk in, without needing a jacket, before the pollen began to fall. Walking outside gives me an euphoric feeling and it becomes addictive. I knew this, the morning I wanted to go so bad that I walked in the drizzling rain. I wasn’t ready to give up my walk outside because it just felt so good.

The outdoors turned on me after I unknowingly ran in dog sh!t and walked it back in the house which was followed by unplanned mopping and carpet cleaning. After a third day of inhaling pollen that left me with a pounding headache and eyes that never stopped itching, I had to call it quits. I ventured back out after Mother’s Day weekend. The worst of my allergy season had passed and I could once enjoy my outdoor workout. The mornings had warmed up considerably so I had to get out earlier, which put me on alert to look out for school buses, trash trucks, dog walkers AND dog sh!t; so it wasn’t nearly as enjoyable.

I start saying this will be my last week out here when:

• It’s getting too hot

• the humidity is so heavy I can see it on my eyelashes 
• I’m almost clipped by a driver on his cellphone; thankfully I didn’t jump in dog sh!t
• I’m dripping with sweat on the return home
• I look in the mirror and my hair can’t be fixed without washing it
• I’m developing a tan tattoo of my iPod and armband

So I saw a snake yesterday, which made me say words in my head I never say out loud. I was taking groceries out of the trunk. I came out of the house to get the last bag and he was in the driveway. I say ‘he’ after all I called him a big black -fill in the blank-. I swear me and the big black -fill in the blank- had a stare down. He took off first while my feet remained glued to the garage floor. I believe if I had start running it would have been like Scooby Doo and Shaggy – so scared that I was running in place. Unglued I come back in the house saying all the things I’m never gonna do outside again.

By the morning, I’m over it. Though I know where my snake resides and his time here on earth is short - I tip toe outside. I’m addicted to the walk/run so I venture out; but now on snake alert. A bee decides to keep me company for what seems like a quarter of a mile. I get bit by a mosquito in two places (I’m allergic). The humidity is so thick I can smell the unseen dog sh!t. Keeping my eyes peeled for snakes I see a little bit of everything I hadn’t noticed before. When I get back home I can tell my snake to move or it’s his last day, “there’s food up the road”. I saw a run over frog and remnants of a dead bird. The last straw was a condom – evidently used!

Back to the gym tomorrow and the comfort of A/C.

Sporadically yours!