Date: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
To whom getting pregnant, staying pregnant and having a baby was a breeze:
Please don’t pity me. Don’t give me statistics or your reason why this happened to me. You are not my doctor; please don’t tell me what my options are. Don’t tell me that at least I know I can get pregnant. It doesn’t matter how far along I was. You don’t need to know if I will try again. You don’t need to know if I am trying. Don’t keep up with my cycle. Don’t suspect. Don’t speculate. I’ll let you know when I have good news. Don’t send me articles. Please know, I will be just as sad when this time last year rolls around.
Oh congratulations you are pregnant. Don’t tell me you weren’t even trying. I’m sorry I can’t be more excited for you. I may withdraw for a while. Please don’t involve me in your pregnancy; it’s too hard. I’ll come to your baby shower but I don’t want to help plan it. I am happy for you, but I am sadder for me. I will try not to whine, mope and pout because I lost my baby but I will anyway. Please understand that I cannot empathize with you when you whine, mope and pout about how miserable it is to be pregnant. I’ll genuinely be excited for you when you are past the point that I was. I’ll care for your child as I should, but I’ll miss and love the one I never had.
I had a miscarriage with my 1st pregnancy more than nine years ago. I understand the sentiment of this open letter, however it is something I would never have said.
Here’s the thing…I can attest to the Johnson & Johnson slogan “Having a baby changes everything.” I am also compassionate enough to understand and imagine that not being able to have a baby also changes everything. Here’s to hoping you too have a light at the end of your dark tunnel.