From the MIL diaries...


I'm sitting in my MILs kitchen smelling like bacon. As I write this, Amazing Grace has chimed four minutes late announcing that it is 9:00. She's off to a doctor appointment and has left me in charge of the eggs once everyone else gets up.

On Christmas day, I wrote "Home is wherever my family is." Well today is the day I'm past ready to go "home" like yesterday. It's time to move my family back to the east coast.

I woke up on the wrong side of the old mattress, remembering that I used my last tea bag yesterday. I left home with more than enough but I overshared and came up short.

Knowing full well that MILs stash of hot beverage choices are Folgers and Lipton, I rolled my eyes and rolled over.

Longing for a hot cup in my hands, I rolled away from the furnace that is Papa Bear and got up anyway. This hot beverage snob said a cup of hot water would have to do. I took my shower and went to join MIL in the kitchen.

MIL was buzzing around frying bacon. Her tea kettle was mid whistle as I said good morning and asked if she had any lemons. Lemon hot water would do me just fine. She found a beautiful lemon in "the box" from so & so's garden. I was shocked actually. I just knew she was going to hand me a bottle of lemon juice. She asked what I was going to use it for and I told her that I was going to have lemon tea.

When she saw that I was only squeezing lemon into the hot water, she proceeded to look for her box of tea. "I know I have some Lipton Kenyeeeeer, you don't have to drink hot wateeeer!" She used her broom handle to knock down a box from the top shelf of her "cupboard".

She placed before me a box of family sized tea bags that expired in 2011 and I said, "Oh thank you!" I steeped my tea for two seconds and held the cup to my lips for show.

She continued buzzing about saying she should have fried the bacon before she took her shower. I'm thinking yeah me too.

So we're talking as she puts the bacon to the side. She tells me how I can microwave scrambled eggs EWWW, or make them on the stovetop with "this pan." The eggs are going to stick and it's going to be gross. I hope no one wants eggs.

She announced, "Today's your husband's birrrrthday!" She said, "And I think he was born on a Monday." I picked up my phone to ask Siri, "What day was December 29th, 1969?" Sure enough, Papa Bear was born on a Monday. She looked at me in awe of Siri's audible response. She said, "Oh! Do they know what time he was born?"

And if I wasn't fake drinking my tea, I would have choked or spit it across the countertop. I pressed my lips together and shook my head, "no I don't think so."

On her way out she gave me the newspaper and the Folgers just in case I wanted some coffee. Before I could publish this post the Amazing Grace clocked chimed 10:00 and I had to make the eggs.