On Mom Guilt and Spare Time #MondayMusings

It's 4:00. The alarm clock on my Fitbit just buzzed to remind me to remind Christopher to take his allergy medicine. I am not with him. I am not at home. I don't have his allergy medicine. He's not feeling 100% and I think it's because he got too much Spring this weekend.

I was in denial and thought that the pollen was over because of the rain we had which was followed by I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down heavy winds. But I went out for a walk this morning WITH an itchy throat and saw that the pine trees are getting ready for round two.

I made it to Barnes & Noble for the first time since Christopher started basketball camp last week. Basketball camp is a 30-minute drive out into the country and to come out of there is 20-minute drive back to Barnes & Noble. I had already told Christopher that I was going to the bookstore while he was in there. It's three and a half hours long. He said, "Please stay. Can't you stay for a little while and just watch?"

I told him that I already had to use the bathroom and I wasn't using it there. Been there done that. Not going back.

No thank you.

No thank you.

"I'll come for the last thirty minutes", I said. His body language slumped.

Not feeling 100%

Not feeling 100%

The feeling reminded me of when I dropped him off a daycare crying, except he wasn't crying. And just like daycare when the caregivers would tell me that he was fine five minutes after I left, I know that Christopher was fine when he ran into the gym. But I still feel guilty about wanting to carve out some me time in the midst of his busy schedule. 

So I'm here at Barnes & Noble with my healthy snack and creamers from home and a tall coffee, feeling partly cloudy because my kid wasn't 100% when I dropped him off at basketball camp.

In Cher's voice, I'm yelling in my head to SNAP OUT OF IT!

I am snapping out of it as the caffeine kicks in; something I'm sure to regret later on this evening. I have a library book due tomorrow that I'm only a little halfway through. Maybe the evening boost will help me to finish it. 

So anyway, on my 20-minute drive back, I had to wonder if coming here was going to be worth it. Not just for the $1.98 cup of coffee but the drive. There's nothing else I can do in between that would cost me less. I'm not a window shopper. I don't even want to count how many Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays there are until November.

I drove by a nail salon and thought it sure would be nice to get a pedicure sometimes. But last year I went to one of those walk-in places and I swear my feet haven't been the same since they were scraped with something that looked like a cheese grater. So, pedi's are out. I don't want walk-in places to touch my feet.

I drove by a grocery store and thought I could stop there on the way back to pick up anything I might need or I could check the flyers to see what kind of sales they had and shop from that. But I'm not that kind of shopper either. I run in for what I need. People who lean on the handles of their grocery carts, window shopping in a grocery store get on my nerves. I may drive the speed limit on roads but I have road rage in grocery stores. So, meandering in a grocery story is out. 

Just before I got to Barnes & Noble I drove by a storefront window that read MASSAGE. Wouldn't THAT be nice? Of course by this time I'm daydreaming about spare time. I reminded myself that I wouldn't be able to relax having my phone turned on or off while my son was at basketball camp, needing allergy medicine and not feeling 100%. Never mind the scheduling or the price, getting a massage is out. 

So I've sat here and drained my coffee in less than 45 minutes. I've texted while simultaneously writing this post. It's 5:27 and I promised to be back at 6:00 and watch the last thirty minutes. 

So tell me, what would you do with almost three hours of spare time if you couldn't go home?

  • Would you stay and watch your kid for some length of time?
  • Are you familiar with the cheese grater at the walk-in nail salons?
  • Can you sit in a bookstore without buying something?
  • Are you familiar the movie where Cher yells, "SNAP OUT OF IT!"